Jobless Honay Ki Kahani, Aik Lifeless Banday Ki Zubani.

As you know I’m “jobless” at the moment, I decided to take some time off from my regular activities and write about how “exciting” my life really is these days. :yawns: I graduated in August 2012 (I’m an ACCA affiliate and I also have a BSc. (Hons.) in Applied Accounting degree, Alhamdulillah. And ladies, please, no rishta scene for a while, okay?). I still remember that was one of the happiest days of my life that I finally achieved what I had been wishing for since 2010 and I would enter the corporate world and start working like those accountants you see on TV series/movies (too much influence, I know). But the truth is, I have never been so wrong and let me tell you HOW.

I applied at a few companies of my choice right after I graduated and was hoping that I would get a lot of calls for interviews and whatnot. But… NO ONE CALLED ME BACK! I’m not frustrated by this, it’s their loss, why would I worry about it? No, I’m not worrying about it. If I find something offensive, that would be this ridiculous fact that a lot of Pakistani companies NEVER respond to your queries. They never send you a rejection letter, they never let you know that you were not selected. Aik basic tameez hoti hai ke yaar apki company pe kisi ne apply kiya hai tou agar woh vacany nahi available tou bata hi dou baqi sab ko, takay woh martay dum tak intezar tou na karein. And when I call them up, they say, “Sir, jobs available hi nahi hein, hum kia karein? Aap elections ke baad apply kijiye ga.” What am I supposed to do until then? Koi political party join kar ke unki campaign mein dhamalein daalun? They’re kinda right, you know. There are no jobs, thanks to our own PPP. “Roti, Kapra aur Makaan” ka naara tou laga diya lekin jin ke paas yeh sab tha bhi, ab unke paas bhi nahi raha. I can’t blame them, though. It’s our own fault. Anyway, I was talking about the basic tameez. I don’t know about you guys but I never got any response from any of the companies. Maybe, I applied at the wrong companies or maybe, I’m BAD LUCK BRIAN in this particular matter.

Another thing that gets on my nerves is misleading job advertisements. A couple of months ago, I saw this ad posted on a social networking site, I opened the link to get on the official page of that certain organization. That post was something like this (not the exact format, I don’t remember the designation and besides, I want to highlight the qualification and experience requirements):

Qualification: ACCA Finalist

Experience: 5-6 years

THIS IS FUNNY!!! They wanted an ACCA finalist but the one with 5-6 years of experience. Is this a joke or what? I think they are the pioneers of trolling. I almost applied at this organization after having seen that I was meeting their qualification requirement but when I scrolled down and saw the experience requirement, I closed that page. How on earth an ACCA finalist will get the experience of so many years!? If there were 2-3 years, I would have agreed with it a bit as ACCA affiliates are required to get 3 years practical experience to become members. But that’s not the question here. I mean, WHY? As Veena Malik would say, “Mufti sahab, yeh kia baat hui!?” These job posters need some lectures or something to learn how to post a job properly. I’m not going to disclose the name of the organization, but I’ve actually told a few people about it and they were as angry as I was at that moment.

LULZ. The above tweet is a fine example of my interaction with almost every family member at any gathering. Whenever I meet somebody, the first question that comes out of their mouth is, “Job mili, Ahsan?” KIA YAAAR!? Main koi Indiana Jones hun jo adventure pe nikla hua hun aur job koi hidden treasure hai jo mujhay mil jaye ga? And, by the way…

Job hunting > The adventures of Indiana Jones

But, honestly, I’m fed up of these questions. I’ve had enough of it. Aunty, agar mujhay job mil jaye gi tou main sab se pehlay aap ko hi bataun ga. Chill karein. The funny bit is that even those people ask me this question who don’t do anything at all. No job, no family business. Nothing at all. I think they just do it to annoy me like anything and they have accomplished that mission, to some extent. Obviously, I get frustrated by answering the same damn question over and over again. It’s an equivalent of that beta, tumhari bhi shadi honay wali hai bas! statement that aunties say to every other girl they see. The only difference is I actually have to provide them with an answer. Otherwise, they think I’m not “serious” and I don’t wanna work. Uncle pls! Main ne ghar mein bethnay ke liye nahi ki parhayi! Aap ja ke apna tidd andar karein pehlay. And there are those uncles who always ask for your CV every time you meet them. They’re like, “Beta, mujhay apna CV dey dou. Job pakki samjho bas apni.” These uncles are even worse than those people who ask you that “Job mili?” question. Yeh uncles bilawajah ke laaray laga detay hein lekin job par nahi lagwa kar detay. I’m sure there are a lot of people who have experienced this at least once in their lives. What can we do? CV tou dena parrta hai warna apko apke abba jee ki death stares se koi nahi bacha sakta baad mein. Just kidding (I wish I were).

I recently applied at Coca Cola for Management Training Program (I know, you already know about it and if you didn’t, welcome to the club), took their test and after waiting for two weeks (17 days, to be precise), I got a text message that I have passed their test and I will be shortly contacted for further interview processes. THE WHOLE WORLD KNOWS ABOUT THIS! I was so happy that day. A PAKISTANI company gave me a response and that, too, positive. A million thanks to Allah! But that still won’t change what I think about their “basic tameez” of replying to job applicants. Anyway, I’m still awaiting the call for “further interview processes”. Hopefully, they would contact me before the next government dissolves. Let’s drink Coke to that! (they did not ask me to do this, I swear. I just love Coke way too much!)

After doing all this bakwas, I still have to say something. Never lose hope. This is the real lesson I’ve learned in this phase. Jab qismat mein likha hoga, rizq tab hi milay ga. No one can do anything to change that. We can try, of course and we need to. Koshish ke beghair tou aaj kal larrki bhi set nahi hoti. Yes, I also give dating tips at times.

Anyway… “Just chill, you’ll get a job one day.” That’s what I tell myself everyday. And Insha’Allah, I WILL!

Yours truly,

Another jobless citizen of Pakistan but the cooler one (Is bongi pe mera watercooler banta hai Tariq Aziz ki taraf se)